Monday, May 19, 2014

Random observation: Popeye is a pothead, and other shit

Ah, Popeye the Sailor. According to Wikipedia, though at times he seems bereft of manners or uneducated, Popeye is often depicted as capable of coming up with solutions to problems that (to the police, or, most importantly, the scientific community) seem insurmountable. Popeye has, alternatively, displayed Sherlock Holmes-like investigative prowess (determining for instance that his beloved Olive was abducted by estimating the depth of the villains' footprints in the sand), scientific ingenuity (as his construction, within a few hours, of a "spinach-drive" spacecraft), or oversimplified (yet successful) diplomatic arguments (by presenting to diplomatic conferences his own existence—and superhuman strength—as the only true guarantee of world peace). Popeye's pipe also proves to be highly versatile. Among other things, it has served as a cutting torch, jet engine, propeller, periscope, and, of course, a whistle with which he produces his trademark toot. Popeye also on occasion eats spinach through his pipe, sometimes sucking in the can itself along with the contents. He seldom appears to use it to smoke tobacco.

But it makes me wonder...Is it me, or was the ongoing battle between Popeye and Bluto over Olive Oyl really a battle over who can pull off the most feats on drugs? Popeye, his true love is Maryjane (oops, I mean, SPINACH), Brutus is on constant roid rage, and Olive is the ultimate crack whore. C'mon now, you know that chick done fucked all of Gaslight Alley, Wimpy included. Even her baby Swee'Pea is always twitching in the Fleischer Famous cartoons, so he is the epitome of a crack baby. Not to mention no one ever knows who the father is, so that's another Maury Povich episode altogether.

Let me be specific here. One of the main drugs in the cartoons, no matter which era, movies, or series, has got to be steroids. Actual spinach does NOT make one super-strong, or at least not that fast, anyway. I would say that both Popeye and Bluto have the steroids. Symptoms of steroid use usually include sudden growth in muscles, increased aggression and feelings of invincibility, something both Popeye and Bluto definitely have, Bluto especially. Constant 'roid rage results in poor decision making, which kind of explain Olive the super-skinny crack whore.

People are fucked

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